If I let you in.... will you hurt me?
I look back at the friendships I've had... friends that have come and gone... and I wonder what happened... and I ask "where did you go?" because those friends are no longer near me.
Some moved off to college after high school or after a year or two at community college. Cell phones were still mostly considered a luxury then and we didn't have them, so keeping in touch became nearly impossible. Others just slowly dwindled and now I haven't seen them in years. And here I am. I guess you could say I've moved on... But it somehow doesn't feel right to say that I've "moved on" from friends that were once so dear.
I've begun some new friendships. Those, too, have changed during different courses of life. Sara was forced to move across the country. I no longer have regular afternoons of chatting with a bowl of popcorn. I started back to school and I no longer have weekly lunch dates with Cassie. Jenn started going to a new church and our weekly chats after service came to a stop (this is actually true with multiple people!). And, with the change of distance or activity, and the limitations of time, these friendships have faded, ceased or taken on a new form.
And that change is painful.
So here I am. I'm at a crossroads (of sorts) with you. This crossroad is not something spoken; its something I sense. Soon you'll graduate, and I'll graduate, and we'll head off in the directions God leads us. We'll both be excited for one another.
And it will hurt.
If I let you in. If I choose to trust you. If I make myself vulnerable.
That's a decision I have to make. I'm not sure what I'll decide. All I know is that, either way, I will feel pain.
