Once I stood
now I am slumped
in a pile near the floor
leaning against the wall
I crumbled
then was picked up
by well-meaning friends
and leaned against the wall
Slowly I slid
sliding down the wall
till I became a pile
on the floor against the wall
September 20, 2011
September 16, 2011
Responsibility
Strength Finder informed me a year and a half ago that I have the strength of "Responsibility." This is no surprise to me and probably not to those who know me, either. It makes me reliable to those who need me. It also makes my life extremely chaotic.
Anything I do, I want to do well. I also do not want to let down or disappoint those who are relying on me. As a result, even when I am over-committed, I find myself pushing through. If I back out of a commitment, the task now becomes a burden to someone else.
Enter Fall 2011.
I am working three jobs, taking 14 credits, auditing an additional 3 credits, involved in ministry at my church, participating with a chapel worship band, working out 3 days a week, meeting weekly with 2 individuals (not counting the 6 mentor meetings which I have as a part of one of my jobs), and trying to take care of my physical and social lives as well. Something has got to give. I barely have time for homework. One friend observed today that they have not seen me working on my homework once since school started 3 weeks ago; instead, I'm working on grading everyone else's (that's my other 2 jobs). His statement was pretty accurate.
So now comes the time when I let someone down. I say 'no' to something. I might even back out of one of my commitments. This stuff kills me.
Anything I do, I want to do well. I also do not want to let down or disappoint those who are relying on me. As a result, even when I am over-committed, I find myself pushing through. If I back out of a commitment, the task now becomes a burden to someone else.
Enter Fall 2011.
I am working three jobs, taking 14 credits, auditing an additional 3 credits, involved in ministry at my church, participating with a chapel worship band, working out 3 days a week, meeting weekly with 2 individuals (not counting the 6 mentor meetings which I have as a part of one of my jobs), and trying to take care of my physical and social lives as well. Something has got to give. I barely have time for homework. One friend observed today that they have not seen me working on my homework once since school started 3 weeks ago; instead, I'm working on grading everyone else's (that's my other 2 jobs). His statement was pretty accurate.
So now comes the time when I let someone down. I say 'no' to something. I might even back out of one of my commitments. This stuff kills me.
September 5, 2011
Chaos
It seems like a bit of irony that I have had this blog going for a while now and have not once (yet) admitted to the chaos that is my life. But it seems quite appropriate now!
Having just started a new school year a week ago, I've received an onslaught of questioning: "how was your summer?' I must admit, I ask the question frequently as well! My answer is pretty simple.
What summer?
I had a week between Finals Spring Semester and beginning my Summer courses - a week filled with reading the 600-some required pages of reading for the speed course that I took that first week of Summer classes. My classes ended August 11th and I started my leadership position and preparing for the new school year on August 12th. A vacation to visit family was squeezed in at the end of June, but that was about it.
Since starting the Fall semester activities three weeks ago, I have had 2 weekends out of town and helped with our New Student Orientation. I'll be out of town again next weekend (this time for a much-needed vacation which I hope is relaxing).
During the retreat this past weekend (which wasn't as relaxing as I had hoped), I received a challenge: Are you scheduling God into your day or are you spending time with Him?
Conviction.
Just before finishing my Summer classes, my sister-in-law and best friend suggested I spend a couple hours at a park not far away, sitting and waiting on God to move. My answer? I don't have time. I had a lot to get done to finish my classes and a short amount of time to do it. I was up against a deadline. I'll find time next week.
But next week came and went. I still haven't made it to the park, even through I've driven through that area of the city more than once. My time with God is merely a task to check off my daily to-do list, right alongside brush your teeth and eat dinner, possibly slightly higher than wash your face.
Chaos is a part of life, especially for this college-student. But I needed that reminder to seek the calm in the midst of the chaos. This is what life's truly about.
Having just started a new school year a week ago, I've received an onslaught of questioning: "how was your summer?' I must admit, I ask the question frequently as well! My answer is pretty simple.
What summer?
I had a week between Finals Spring Semester and beginning my Summer courses - a week filled with reading the 600-some required pages of reading for the speed course that I took that first week of Summer classes. My classes ended August 11th and I started my leadership position and preparing for the new school year on August 12th. A vacation to visit family was squeezed in at the end of June, but that was about it.
Since starting the Fall semester activities three weeks ago, I have had 2 weekends out of town and helped with our New Student Orientation. I'll be out of town again next weekend (this time for a much-needed vacation which I hope is relaxing).
During the retreat this past weekend (which wasn't as relaxing as I had hoped), I received a challenge: Are you scheduling God into your day or are you spending time with Him?
Conviction.
Just before finishing my Summer classes, my sister-in-law and best friend suggested I spend a couple hours at a park not far away, sitting and waiting on God to move. My answer? I don't have time. I had a lot to get done to finish my classes and a short amount of time to do it. I was up against a deadline. I'll find time next week.
But next week came and went. I still haven't made it to the park, even through I've driven through that area of the city more than once. My time with God is merely a task to check off my daily to-do list, right alongside brush your teeth and eat dinner, possibly slightly higher than wash your face.
Chaos is a part of life, especially for this college-student. But I needed that reminder to seek the calm in the midst of the chaos. This is what life's truly about.
August 21, 2011
The Broken Picker
A nice long weekend away has come to a close. Its bittersweet. I greatly enjoyed the leadership training and time spent in late-night conversation with a couple friends...
A theme began to develop with our late-night conversations: the broken picker.
A psychologist told me that there are 4 reasons why a man is single at my age:
1) he has a broken picker
2) he has a fear of commitment/marriage
3) he is divorced (which means his picker is probably broken)
4) he is a widower
After mentioning this to my friends, we were left to contemplate the question: why am I single? We all began to realize that we, like many men, have a broken picker. We fail to recognize the quality men around us and instead find ourselves selecting men who are broken, entering into broken relationships.
I wonder if these four categories accurately reflect every - or even the majority - of singles in their late- 20's and 30's, but it certainly is some challenging food for thought!
A theme began to develop with our late-night conversations: the broken picker.
A psychologist told me that there are 4 reasons why a man is single at my age:
1) he has a broken picker
2) he has a fear of commitment/marriage
3) he is divorced (which means his picker is probably broken)
4) he is a widower
After mentioning this to my friends, we were left to contemplate the question: why am I single? We all began to realize that we, like many men, have a broken picker. We fail to recognize the quality men around us and instead find ourselves selecting men who are broken, entering into broken relationships.
I wonder if these four categories accurately reflect every - or even the majority - of singles in their late- 20's and 30's, but it certainly is some challenging food for thought!
August 10, 2011
Reflecting... And Praising
I feel like I’m running on empty. This Summer has been kinda dry. I read my Bible and I end up with more questions than I have answers. Again and again.
But, looking at where I’m at now and back at other times in my life where I’ve been in this place, I find that what I need, personally, is not answers. I don’t need knowledge or application. I simply need to get on my feet, realize I’m where God has me right now, and praise Him. As I look back, I can see how time and again worship has gotten me through difficult seasons... dry seasons.
It is during these times when the things I know in my head have the opportunity to play out in my life. During these seasons, truths can be expressed through action. Truths like our duty to rejoice through suffering. 1 Peter 1:6-8, “So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.”
If my faith is going to bring praise to God, I want to be the person to start - I want to be the first person to praise Him.
But, looking at where I’m at now and back at other times in my life where I’ve been in this place, I find that what I need, personally, is not answers. I don’t need knowledge or application. I simply need to get on my feet, realize I’m where God has me right now, and praise Him. As I look back, I can see how time and again worship has gotten me through difficult seasons... dry seasons.
It is during these times when the things I know in my head have the opportunity to play out in my life. During these seasons, truths can be expressed through action. Truths like our duty to rejoice through suffering. 1 Peter 1:6-8, “So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.”
If my faith is going to bring praise to God, I want to be the person to start - I want to be the first person to praise Him.
August 4, 2011
Recipe Time! Raspberry Rosemary Chicken
I actually posted this online a few years ago, but I figure its time to pass it along here. After making a batch of raspberry jam a few weeks ago, I decided it was time to pull out this favorite recipe and use it again. I forgot how much I love it! And, best part is... its pretty simple!
Ingredients:
1 tablespoon crushed rosemary
1 teaspoon rubbed sage
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
4 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
1/4 cup fat-free chicken broth
1/2 cup raspberry preserves
1/2 teaspoon honey dijon mustard
1 teaspoon chopped rosemary leaves
Ingredients:
1 tablespoon crushed rosemary
1 teaspoon rubbed sage
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
4 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
1/4 cup fat-free chicken broth
1/2 cup raspberry preserves
1/2 teaspoon honey dijon mustard
1 teaspoon chopped rosemary leaves
I hope you enjoy this as much as my family and I!
August 2, 2011
A Response to Dating
A few weeks ago I sat down to coffee with a girl friend. Dating became the topic throughout most of our conversation as we shared with one another our heartbroken stories. We weren't trying to tear apart the men who broke our hearts and were instead trying to grapple with dating and trusting God with our broken hearts.
At one point my friend looked at me and said "I don't think dating is working. But I don't like the alternative either. I don't know what the answer is."
This sentiment seems to be echoing throughout Christian culture and I heard a similar slam a few days later from a Christian psychologist who was frustrated with the way Christians are handling dating today.
This is also a topic of conversation on Boundless and was blogged about today by Suzanne. Suzanne had a great perspective. Speaking specifically about Joshua Harris' I Kissed Dating Goodbye, she says "The principles within encouraged me to remain pure and exercise wisdom in romantic relationships. Those are things that protected my self-worth and purity, led me to a healthy relationship, and continue to bless my marriage." Pulling the spiritual truth from what we're reading, and applying that truth to our lives sounds like a concept all too familiar to anyone who's taken a class from Ray Lubeck! And that's exactly what Suzanne did.
But what struck me most was not what Suzanne said, but third comment down: I learned not to do the bad things, but I did not learn how to do the right things either.
Hmm. He's right. Learning to do the right things is just as important as learning not to do the bad things. I believe that's why Paul always provides a list of things that the believer should be doing right after providing the list of activities a believer should be avoiding.
But, like my friend and this commenter, I think we still need to answer the question: what are the right things and how do we do them? Right now the only answer I have is this: be willing to take a risk and trust God regardless of the outcome.
After a heartbreak several years ago, I needed to give myself some time to heal. Two years ago, a guy caught my eye. I prayed and prayed, "Lord, if this isn't going to end in marriage, please don't let it happen; I can't handle another heartbreak." But I realized that, in order to give any relationship a fair chance, I would need to be willing to risk having my heart broken again. It took me another year to get to that point.
But just because you are willing to take the risk doesn't mean that it will work out. That's why its a risk. And, regardless of the outcome, you have to be willing to trust God's promises for you. Promises of hope and a future. Promises to satisfy our heart's desire. But we must trust in Him, delight in Him, and glorify Him... regardless.
At one point my friend looked at me and said "I don't think dating is working. But I don't like the alternative either. I don't know what the answer is."
This sentiment seems to be echoing throughout Christian culture and I heard a similar slam a few days later from a Christian psychologist who was frustrated with the way Christians are handling dating today.
This is also a topic of conversation on Boundless and was blogged about today by Suzanne. Suzanne had a great perspective. Speaking specifically about Joshua Harris' I Kissed Dating Goodbye, she says "The principles within encouraged me to remain pure and exercise wisdom in romantic relationships. Those are things that protected my self-worth and purity, led me to a healthy relationship, and continue to bless my marriage." Pulling the spiritual truth from what we're reading, and applying that truth to our lives sounds like a concept all too familiar to anyone who's taken a class from Ray Lubeck! And that's exactly what Suzanne did.
But what struck me most was not what Suzanne said, but third comment down: I learned not to do the bad things, but I did not learn how to do the right things either.
Hmm. He's right. Learning to do the right things is just as important as learning not to do the bad things. I believe that's why Paul always provides a list of things that the believer should be doing right after providing the list of activities a believer should be avoiding.
But, like my friend and this commenter, I think we still need to answer the question: what are the right things and how do we do them? Right now the only answer I have is this: be willing to take a risk and trust God regardless of the outcome.
After a heartbreak several years ago, I needed to give myself some time to heal. Two years ago, a guy caught my eye. I prayed and prayed, "Lord, if this isn't going to end in marriage, please don't let it happen; I can't handle another heartbreak." But I realized that, in order to give any relationship a fair chance, I would need to be willing to risk having my heart broken again. It took me another year to get to that point.
But just because you are willing to take the risk doesn't mean that it will work out. That's why its a risk. And, regardless of the outcome, you have to be willing to trust God's promises for you. Promises of hope and a future. Promises to satisfy our heart's desire. But we must trust in Him, delight in Him, and glorify Him... regardless.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)