Although my brother and I are only a year apart, we live entirely different lives.
My brother got married at 22 and as I begin to glance at 30, I am still single. He is the sole provider for a wife, three children and a very rambunctious puppy! After five years of the military life, he is now back in the Northwest and embarking on the next phase of his life. In the transition, he and his family moved in with me two months ago.
Suddenly living with three children - and a rambunctious puppy - has been a huge adjustment! Being a full-time student, I quickly realized that home would not be a place to get work (or homework) done. My grades definitely evidence the challenge of this transition. But yesterday I finished up the last of my work for the semester, posted grades for students, and stretched.
Time for relaxation. And play. My niece was quick to approach me... "Auntie, can you play a game with me?"
Sure, this should be relaxing enough, I thought. Little did I know that my patience was soon to be tested. We played the first game (which had no goal or objective or rules whatsoever) until I was falling asleep in the chair. To get us moving, I suggested a shopping trip to the dollar store for some stocking stuffers. I can't count the number of times I had to say "Hurry up, Missy" while we were out.
While making dinner, my niece and nephews were dancing around my ankles. Since I was running behind getting dinner done and it wasn't quite turning out, my patience soon became thin. Thankfully, everything turned out just fine.
After dinner, another game was suggested (this time a board game with rules, points and a clear goal!). I sat down with my niece and both nephews. The youngest needed a little help and between playing myself and helping my nephew, I had very little patience left for my niece as she pondered each move for a solid 2-5 minutes. I'll admit, by this point I began to become a little rough in my attitude towards her. The fifteen minute game was going to turn into 5 hours!
But as I begin to get ready for bed - hours after the little ones have been tucked in for the night - I find myself reflecting on the day. And I see God in those beautiful brown eyes. My niece's "Auntie... I love you" and spontaneous hugs and kisses are a beautiful reminder of the love God has for me. That little girl makes me feel special, cared for, and treasured.
I also see my fallenness as I reflect on the day. How short I fall from the command to "be holy as I am holy." See, God is patient. But I demonstrated impatience toward my niece today. I am so thankful that God doesn't deal with me in the same way that I deal with her. And I am thankful that tomorrow is another opportunity for me to interact with her - to love on her, play with her, and be patient with her. Because that is another opportunity for me to be molded into Christ-likeness as I strive to increase God's character in my life.
If God is patient... I want to be patient too.
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
December 23, 2011
August 21, 2011
The Broken Picker
A nice long weekend away has come to a close. Its bittersweet. I greatly enjoyed the leadership training and time spent in late-night conversation with a couple friends...
A theme began to develop with our late-night conversations: the broken picker.
A psychologist told me that there are 4 reasons why a man is single at my age:
1) he has a broken picker
2) he has a fear of commitment/marriage
3) he is divorced (which means his picker is probably broken)
4) he is a widower
After mentioning this to my friends, we were left to contemplate the question: why am I single? We all began to realize that we, like many men, have a broken picker. We fail to recognize the quality men around us and instead find ourselves selecting men who are broken, entering into broken relationships.
I wonder if these four categories accurately reflect every - or even the majority - of singles in their late- 20's and 30's, but it certainly is some challenging food for thought!
A theme began to develop with our late-night conversations: the broken picker.
A psychologist told me that there are 4 reasons why a man is single at my age:
1) he has a broken picker
2) he has a fear of commitment/marriage
3) he is divorced (which means his picker is probably broken)
4) he is a widower
After mentioning this to my friends, we were left to contemplate the question: why am I single? We all began to realize that we, like many men, have a broken picker. We fail to recognize the quality men around us and instead find ourselves selecting men who are broken, entering into broken relationships.
I wonder if these four categories accurately reflect every - or even the majority - of singles in their late- 20's and 30's, but it certainly is some challenging food for thought!
August 2, 2011
A Response to Dating
A few weeks ago I sat down to coffee with a girl friend. Dating became the topic throughout most of our conversation as we shared with one another our heartbroken stories. We weren't trying to tear apart the men who broke our hearts and were instead trying to grapple with dating and trusting God with our broken hearts.
At one point my friend looked at me and said "I don't think dating is working. But I don't like the alternative either. I don't know what the answer is."
This sentiment seems to be echoing throughout Christian culture and I heard a similar slam a few days later from a Christian psychologist who was frustrated with the way Christians are handling dating today.
This is also a topic of conversation on Boundless and was blogged about today by Suzanne. Suzanne had a great perspective. Speaking specifically about Joshua Harris' I Kissed Dating Goodbye, she says "The principles within encouraged me to remain pure and exercise wisdom in romantic relationships. Those are things that protected my self-worth and purity, led me to a healthy relationship, and continue to bless my marriage." Pulling the spiritual truth from what we're reading, and applying that truth to our lives sounds like a concept all too familiar to anyone who's taken a class from Ray Lubeck! And that's exactly what Suzanne did.
But what struck me most was not what Suzanne said, but third comment down: I learned not to do the bad things, but I did not learn how to do the right things either.
Hmm. He's right. Learning to do the right things is just as important as learning not to do the bad things. I believe that's why Paul always provides a list of things that the believer should be doing right after providing the list of activities a believer should be avoiding.
But, like my friend and this commenter, I think we still need to answer the question: what are the right things and how do we do them? Right now the only answer I have is this: be willing to take a risk and trust God regardless of the outcome.
After a heartbreak several years ago, I needed to give myself some time to heal. Two years ago, a guy caught my eye. I prayed and prayed, "Lord, if this isn't going to end in marriage, please don't let it happen; I can't handle another heartbreak." But I realized that, in order to give any relationship a fair chance, I would need to be willing to risk having my heart broken again. It took me another year to get to that point.
But just because you are willing to take the risk doesn't mean that it will work out. That's why its a risk. And, regardless of the outcome, you have to be willing to trust God's promises for you. Promises of hope and a future. Promises to satisfy our heart's desire. But we must trust in Him, delight in Him, and glorify Him... regardless.
At one point my friend looked at me and said "I don't think dating is working. But I don't like the alternative either. I don't know what the answer is."
This sentiment seems to be echoing throughout Christian culture and I heard a similar slam a few days later from a Christian psychologist who was frustrated with the way Christians are handling dating today.
This is also a topic of conversation on Boundless and was blogged about today by Suzanne. Suzanne had a great perspective. Speaking specifically about Joshua Harris' I Kissed Dating Goodbye, she says "The principles within encouraged me to remain pure and exercise wisdom in romantic relationships. Those are things that protected my self-worth and purity, led me to a healthy relationship, and continue to bless my marriage." Pulling the spiritual truth from what we're reading, and applying that truth to our lives sounds like a concept all too familiar to anyone who's taken a class from Ray Lubeck! And that's exactly what Suzanne did.
But what struck me most was not what Suzanne said, but third comment down: I learned not to do the bad things, but I did not learn how to do the right things either.
Hmm. He's right. Learning to do the right things is just as important as learning not to do the bad things. I believe that's why Paul always provides a list of things that the believer should be doing right after providing the list of activities a believer should be avoiding.
But, like my friend and this commenter, I think we still need to answer the question: what are the right things and how do we do them? Right now the only answer I have is this: be willing to take a risk and trust God regardless of the outcome.
After a heartbreak several years ago, I needed to give myself some time to heal. Two years ago, a guy caught my eye. I prayed and prayed, "Lord, if this isn't going to end in marriage, please don't let it happen; I can't handle another heartbreak." But I realized that, in order to give any relationship a fair chance, I would need to be willing to risk having my heart broken again. It took me another year to get to that point.
But just because you are willing to take the risk doesn't mean that it will work out. That's why its a risk. And, regardless of the outcome, you have to be willing to trust God's promises for you. Promises of hope and a future. Promises to satisfy our heart's desire. But we must trust in Him, delight in Him, and glorify Him... regardless.
July 30, 2011
The Love of Friends
This week has been very rough. But survivable thanks to the love of friends.
I've received so much love and support over the past few weeks and it has been a blessing to continue to have friends rally around me. Last night I met two friends at Pied Cow (a very Portland-y dessert and coffeehouse). One commented how the majority of people allow others (often including themselves) one month of mourning before its time to get back on your feet. But it often takes longer than that. She then encouraged me to take my time.
The imagery she gave me was beautiful... A friend of hers had an engagement called off a few years before. At one point, she saw the friend heaped on the floor crying. Well-intentioned friends would come by, grab an arm and try to pull her back up. Walking away, another friend would come by and do the same thing.
But what none of them saw was that Jesus was on the floor with her. He was holding her, sobbing with her, stroking the hair back from her face, and drying both their tears.
Wow. I had begun to think that God was silent. But He is on the floor with me, crying with me.
As another friend commented earlier in the week, I do not just have a wound... I have a scar re-opened. Its going to take time to heal. But I am thankful for the love of friends who are giving me time (at least for now) to go through the healing process and to mourn.
I've received so much love and support over the past few weeks and it has been a blessing to continue to have friends rally around me. Last night I met two friends at Pied Cow (a very Portland-y dessert and coffeehouse). One commented how the majority of people allow others (often including themselves) one month of mourning before its time to get back on your feet. But it often takes longer than that. She then encouraged me to take my time.
The imagery she gave me was beautiful... A friend of hers had an engagement called off a few years before. At one point, she saw the friend heaped on the floor crying. Well-intentioned friends would come by, grab an arm and try to pull her back up. Walking away, another friend would come by and do the same thing.
But what none of them saw was that Jesus was on the floor with her. He was holding her, sobbing with her, stroking the hair back from her face, and drying both their tears.
Wow. I had begun to think that God was silent. But He is on the floor with me, crying with me.
As another friend commented earlier in the week, I do not just have a wound... I have a scar re-opened. Its going to take time to heal. But I am thankful for the love of friends who are giving me time (at least for now) to go through the healing process and to mourn.
July 21, 2011
Rejection isn't rejection when...
Rejection isn't always rejection. It may feel like rejection when someone turns their back on you... someone you thought was a friend or wanted as a friend... But sometimes friendships (or relationships) don't work out for other reasons. So here are the rules for rejection...
Rejection isn't rejection when...
...they never knew you. Its true: sometimes, people don't give us a chance. A friendship or a relationship never gets off the ground. So, if they walk away... they're not rejecting you. They can't reject you if they never knew you to begin with.
...its more about them than it is about you. This means they leave the friendship or relationship because of their own issues - fear or their own psychological disorder or whatever. In this case, they're not rejecting you. They might be rejecting everyone. It might look like you're the only one they're rejecting, but if its because of their own issues... they would have rejected anyone who held the role you had in their life.
...the person doing the rejecting is an asshole. The definition of asshole? "a stupid, mean or contemptible person... a worthless and annoying person." Face it: you're better off without them.
Rejection isn't rejection when...
...they never knew you. Its true: sometimes, people don't give us a chance. A friendship or a relationship never gets off the ground. So, if they walk away... they're not rejecting you. They can't reject you if they never knew you to begin with.
...its more about them than it is about you. This means they leave the friendship or relationship because of their own issues - fear or their own psychological disorder or whatever. In this case, they're not rejecting you. They might be rejecting everyone. It might look like you're the only one they're rejecting, but if its because of their own issues... they would have rejected anyone who held the role you had in their life.
...the person doing the rejecting is an asshole. The definition of asshole? "a stupid, mean or contemptible person... a worthless and annoying person." Face it: you're better off without them.
July 15, 2011
I'm there for you...
I'm nearing the end of a very difficult week. Despite being close to engagement with my boyfriend, things came to a screeching halt. Last weekend I kissed him goodbye for the very last time.
One of the disappointments of this week has been hearing (time and again) "I'm here for you if you need anything" and finding my friends missing when I call. My best friend lives more than 3000 miles away. We've talked on the phone several times throughout the week. Another close friend was on a family vacation. Other friends that I would consider close have seemed to go running.
This leaves me reflecting on friendships... Six months ago I posted a blog expressing my thankfulness for these two close friends. But even the closest of friends cannot always be there for you. Its bittersweet.
One of the disappointments of this week has been hearing (time and again) "I'm here for you if you need anything" and finding my friends missing when I call. My best friend lives more than 3000 miles away. We've talked on the phone several times throughout the week. Another close friend was on a family vacation. Other friends that I would consider close have seemed to go running.
This leaves me reflecting on friendships... Six months ago I posted a blog expressing my thankfulness for these two close friends. But even the closest of friends cannot always be there for you. Its bittersweet.
July 10, 2011
June 14, 2011
The Love Dare
I am contemplating trying out The Love Dare.
My boyfriend, Matt, has been in Mexico since the 1st and will be returning at the end of the month. Being apart for a month is - well, interesting. I am not sure how to describe it. We hit a really rough spot right before he left and not being able to communicate has been challenging.
But it has also been good. I've had time to reflect on myself and our relationship and I'm realizing that I'm not a very good friend. Being a good girlfriend can be far too convoluted, so I try not to make any evaluations on that level. Expectations vary far too much.
But after reading this blog I realized that if I want to move towards marriage in this relationship (and I do), I need to be a better friend. And Hyatt's advertisement for a best friend brings out several of my shortcomings as a potential mate.
Enter The Love Dare.
I had already been thinking about this book for a few weeks and in reading Hyatt's article I realized that I need some assistance in becoming a better friend. While The Love Dare is focused on helping marriages improve, many of the Biblical concepts presented can apply to all sorts of relationships.
But I still worry. When it says "Love is patient" I find I have a small doubt which asks but how long will I have to wait? There is a delicate balance between taking the risk in a relationship which allows the opportunity for love to grow and protecting myself by evaluating if this relationship is worth the risk. I don't want to put my whole heart into a relationship with someone who doesn't reciprocate.
Am I selfish? Where is the Biblical response to this? As far as I know, there isn't a clear response because ancient methods of courtship were designed to handle this balance for us. But in today's society, how do we strike the balance... and is there a Biblical response?
I suppose I should wrestle with this a little more before I decide whether or not to give The Love Dare a try.
(Also, as a disclaimer, in glancing through the different "dares" throughout The Love Dare I realize that there are some dares, such as initiating sex with your spouse, which I would not do. The Biblical principles involved with those dares are clearly designated for marriage relationships only.)
My boyfriend, Matt, has been in Mexico since the 1st and will be returning at the end of the month. Being apart for a month is - well, interesting. I am not sure how to describe it. We hit a really rough spot right before he left and not being able to communicate has been challenging.
But it has also been good. I've had time to reflect on myself and our relationship and I'm realizing that I'm not a very good friend. Being a good girlfriend can be far too convoluted, so I try not to make any evaluations on that level. Expectations vary far too much.
But after reading this blog I realized that if I want to move towards marriage in this relationship (and I do), I need to be a better friend. And Hyatt's advertisement for a best friend brings out several of my shortcomings as a potential mate.
Enter The Love Dare.
I had already been thinking about this book for a few weeks and in reading Hyatt's article I realized that I need some assistance in becoming a better friend. While The Love Dare is focused on helping marriages improve, many of the Biblical concepts presented can apply to all sorts of relationships.
But I still worry. When it says "Love is patient" I find I have a small doubt which asks but how long will I have to wait? There is a delicate balance between taking the risk in a relationship which allows the opportunity for love to grow and protecting myself by evaluating if this relationship is worth the risk. I don't want to put my whole heart into a relationship with someone who doesn't reciprocate.
Am I selfish? Where is the Biblical response to this? As far as I know, there isn't a clear response because ancient methods of courtship were designed to handle this balance for us. But in today's society, how do we strike the balance... and is there a Biblical response?
I suppose I should wrestle with this a little more before I decide whether or not to give The Love Dare a try.
(Also, as a disclaimer, in glancing through the different "dares" throughout The Love Dare I realize that there are some dares, such as initiating sex with your spouse, which I would not do. The Biblical principles involved with those dares are clearly designated for marriage relationships only.)
June 1, 2011
Separation
A month of separation begins today.
To be fair, it might be only 29 days. Matt leaves tomorrow early in the morning (which is just a few hours away since it is after midnight now) and hopes to be back on the 30th. He's returning on standby, so who knows when he will actually get back.
It will be hard not to miss him. Thank goodness there is Skype! Although we probably won't be able to video one another, he'll be able to call me over Skype fairly easily. Though I doubt we will talk more than a few times, it will be a blessing to hear from him when I do.
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. I most certainly hope they're right! Yet I also hope that he has an amazing time with his family.
As I think back over the past four months (its amazing to think that it has only been 4 months!), I am amazed at how quickly and easily this man has become a comfortable and expected part of my life. I love the moments when we laugh together, the moments when he opens up and shares his heart, and the moments when he puts an arm around me or reaches out to hold my hand. I will miss these most.
Yet, we've also had our moments of intense challenge - we've fought and disagreed and feelings have been hurt on both sides. Yet all of these serve to prove to me that we can make it - we have been able to overcome arguments, compromise, and reconcile ourselves. These will be key for any future we may have together.
Perhaps I'm premature in even considering that aspect (especially so publicly). But, alas, I am a girl and I do hope... ;)
To be fair, it might be only 29 days. Matt leaves tomorrow early in the morning (which is just a few hours away since it is after midnight now) and hopes to be back on the 30th. He's returning on standby, so who knows when he will actually get back.
It will be hard not to miss him. Thank goodness there is Skype! Although we probably won't be able to video one another, he'll be able to call me over Skype fairly easily. Though I doubt we will talk more than a few times, it will be a blessing to hear from him when I do.
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. I most certainly hope they're right! Yet I also hope that he has an amazing time with his family.
As I think back over the past four months (its amazing to think that it has only been 4 months!), I am amazed at how quickly and easily this man has become a comfortable and expected part of my life. I love the moments when we laugh together, the moments when he opens up and shares his heart, and the moments when he puts an arm around me or reaches out to hold my hand. I will miss these most.
Yet, we've also had our moments of intense challenge - we've fought and disagreed and feelings have been hurt on both sides. Yet all of these serve to prove to me that we can make it - we have been able to overcome arguments, compromise, and reconcile ourselves. These will be key for any future we may have together.
Perhaps I'm premature in even considering that aspect (especially so publicly). But, alas, I am a girl and I do hope... ;)
January 16, 2011
The Lens of Grace
In friendship, especially those deep friendships which suffer trial, there is a need for continual grace and forgiveness. I am the lucky recipient of such friendships.
Over the past month or so, I have had one friend drop everything to sit and cry with me. Another friend has been on her knees to such an extent that I feel her prayers carrying me. She also stayed up until nearly 3:30 one morning with me, chatting and giggling like schoolgirls at a sleepover.
In expressing my gratitude to the latter of these two friends, I said "I don't know why you love me so much." To this she replied simply, "The Lens of Grace."
It is through the glasses of God's forgiveness, love, and - yes - grace that we are able to stand side-by-side after seven years of friendship. We've both hurt one another. I failed to be there for her during a time of great need and she has wounded me as well. But we've pledged to be faithful. Our friendship has gone through ups and downs; I don't doubt that more challenges will face us in the future. But I am eternally grateful for her love and forgiveness. It is a love unmerited and a forgiveness unearned. I simply pray that I can be as great a friend to her as she has been and is currently being for me during this epoch.
Over the past month or so, I have had one friend drop everything to sit and cry with me. Another friend has been on her knees to such an extent that I feel her prayers carrying me. She also stayed up until nearly 3:30 one morning with me, chatting and giggling like schoolgirls at a sleepover.
In expressing my gratitude to the latter of these two friends, I said "I don't know why you love me so much." To this she replied simply, "The Lens of Grace."
It is through the glasses of God's forgiveness, love, and - yes - grace that we are able to stand side-by-side after seven years of friendship. We've both hurt one another. I failed to be there for her during a time of great need and she has wounded me as well. But we've pledged to be faithful. Our friendship has gone through ups and downs; I don't doubt that more challenges will face us in the future. But I am eternally grateful for her love and forgiveness. It is a love unmerited and a forgiveness unearned. I simply pray that I can be as great a friend to her as she has been and is currently being for me during this epoch.
December 19, 2010
Friends, Rejoicing, and Babies
After a great time with one of my best friends the other night, I drove us back to my house where she had left her car. As we said goodbye, she thanked me for being excited about her pregnancy and the upcoming birth of her first child...
How could I be anything but excited?
She recognizes that I am older than her... and it should be my turn first (or something like that). I will admit - it would be easy to think this way. I should have been married first; I should be the one preparing a baby room. But I'm not and she is. She is expecting a baby while my left hand remains naked. She's right. It would be easy to be upset, disappointed, and hurt. It would be easy to feel left out.
But, again I ask... How could I be anything but excited?
Would it be fair of me to try and take her joy away from her simply because I do not have a joy of my own? Would it be right of me to try and make her feel guilty simply because she has something that I don't? Instead, I think of the great advice from God on this subject...
Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15
This is the way our friendship works. That night, she wept with me as I grieved over my singleness (and finding yet another guy who will not be "the one"). We wiped our tears and hugged. She grieved with me and comforted me. That night, I rejoiced with her as she placed my hand on her stomach to feel the baby kicking. We laughed at her story of her trip up the elevator at work and how a co-worker noticed her entire stomach move with the kick of her baby inside.
I may not have a child inside my barren womb. But I will have the joy of visiting her in the hospital in a few short months. I will be able hold and cuddle with that bundle of joy. I'll have the pleasure of visiting her at home and taking care of the little one while she takes a much needed nap or shower. I'll even change diapers for her.
I am blessed beyond measure. I may not have a ring on my finger and I may not have children of my own. But I have two best friends - one who has already given me three little loves and another who will be giving me a bundle of joy in a few short months. I am blessed because these wonderful friends love me enough to share their joy with me.
Yes, I am blessed and I will rejoice with my friends as they rejoice.
How could I be anything but excited?
She recognizes that I am older than her... and it should be my turn first (or something like that). I will admit - it would be easy to think this way. I should have been married first; I should be the one preparing a baby room. But I'm not and she is. She is expecting a baby while my left hand remains naked. She's right. It would be easy to be upset, disappointed, and hurt. It would be easy to feel left out.
But, again I ask... How could I be anything but excited?
Would it be fair of me to try and take her joy away from her simply because I do not have a joy of my own? Would it be right of me to try and make her feel guilty simply because she has something that I don't? Instead, I think of the great advice from God on this subject...
Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15
This is the way our friendship works. That night, she wept with me as I grieved over my singleness (and finding yet another guy who will not be "the one"). We wiped our tears and hugged. She grieved with me and comforted me. That night, I rejoiced with her as she placed my hand on her stomach to feel the baby kicking. We laughed at her story of her trip up the elevator at work and how a co-worker noticed her entire stomach move with the kick of her baby inside.
I may not have a child inside my barren womb. But I will have the joy of visiting her in the hospital in a few short months. I will be able hold and cuddle with that bundle of joy. I'll have the pleasure of visiting her at home and taking care of the little one while she takes a much needed nap or shower. I'll even change diapers for her.
I am blessed beyond measure. I may not have a ring on my finger and I may not have children of my own. But I have two best friends - one who has already given me three little loves and another who will be giving me a bundle of joy in a few short months. I am blessed because these wonderful friends love me enough to share their joy with me.
Yes, I am blessed and I will rejoice with my friends as they rejoice.
December 14, 2010
To be known
Hungering
for companionship
Aching
from solitude
Boldness
portraying confidence
Weeping
to be known
Known
to my deepest depths
Pursued
even when I run
Fulfilled
depths unimaginable
Satisfied
by my Husband, my Maker
for companionship
Aching
from solitude
Boldness
portraying confidence
Weeping
to be known
Known
to my deepest depths
Pursued
even when I run
Fulfilled
depths unimaginable
Satisfied
by my Husband, my Maker
December 10, 2010
Vulnerability
If I let you in.... will you hurt me?
I look back at the friendships I've had... friends that have come and gone... and I wonder what happened... and I ask "where did you go?" because those friends are no longer near me.
Some moved off to college after high school or after a year or two at community college. Cell phones were still mostly considered a luxury then and we didn't have them, so keeping in touch became nearly impossible. Others just slowly dwindled and now I haven't seen them in years. And here I am. I guess you could say I've moved on... But it somehow doesn't feel right to say that I've "moved on" from friends that were once so dear.
I've begun some new friendships. Those, too, have changed during different courses of life. Sara was forced to move across the country. I no longer have regular afternoons of chatting with a bowl of popcorn. I started back to school and I no longer have weekly lunch dates with Cassie. Jenn started going to a new church and our weekly chats after service came to a stop (this is actually true with multiple people!). And, with the change of distance or activity, and the limitations of time, these friendships have faded, ceased or taken on a new form.
And that change is painful.
So here I am. I'm at a crossroads (of sorts) with you. This crossroad is not something spoken; its something I sense. Soon you'll graduate, and I'll graduate, and we'll head off in the directions God leads us. We'll both be excited for one another.
And it will hurt.
If I let you in. If I choose to trust you. If I make myself vulnerable.
That's a decision I have to make. I'm not sure what I'll decide. All I know is that, either way, I will feel pain.
I look back at the friendships I've had... friends that have come and gone... and I wonder what happened... and I ask "where did you go?" because those friends are no longer near me.
Some moved off to college after high school or after a year or two at community college. Cell phones were still mostly considered a luxury then and we didn't have them, so keeping in touch became nearly impossible. Others just slowly dwindled and now I haven't seen them in years. And here I am. I guess you could say I've moved on... But it somehow doesn't feel right to say that I've "moved on" from friends that were once so dear.
I've begun some new friendships. Those, too, have changed during different courses of life. Sara was forced to move across the country. I no longer have regular afternoons of chatting with a bowl of popcorn. I started back to school and I no longer have weekly lunch dates with Cassie. Jenn started going to a new church and our weekly chats after service came to a stop (this is actually true with multiple people!). And, with the change of distance or activity, and the limitations of time, these friendships have faded, ceased or taken on a new form.
And that change is painful.
So here I am. I'm at a crossroads (of sorts) with you. This crossroad is not something spoken; its something I sense. Soon you'll graduate, and I'll graduate, and we'll head off in the directions God leads us. We'll both be excited for one another.
And it will hurt.
If I let you in. If I choose to trust you. If I make myself vulnerable.
That's a decision I have to make. I'm not sure what I'll decide. All I know is that, either way, I will feel pain.
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