First Date (part 1)

There was a lot of blank staring at my hands.  I didn't realize I was copying his movements until I'd been doing it for... how long?  Well, we'd been sitting there for 15 minutes.  Maybe the whole time?  Say something, say something, say something!  My mind was like a broken record.  But what should I say?

This experience was brought back to my memory recently when I accompanied two friends on what might be considered their first date.  After meeting up at the ice cream shop, I ordered my ice cream and found a table for the three of us... and I finished my ice cream before either had said a single word to the other.  Again, I found my brain playing the broken record.  Say something, say something, say something!  I wish I had telepathic capabilities.

We've all been there.  Some of us more frequently than others.  Sitting there and observing from the outsiders' perspective provided a lot of insight.  I realized things I had learned (rather painfully, I might add) over years of dating.  Based on this experience, I offer the following advice.

Girls - the guy just did his job.  He asked you out... for dinner, for coffee, or for a scoop of ice cream.  Perhaps he was a little more creative and asked to pick you up at 4:30am so you could watch the sunrise over the mountain together.  Hopefully he didn't ask you to go to a movie with him (only because there is no opportunity for communication and you spend your time getting to know someone else's story instead of writing your own).  Maybe he made it clear that it was a date; maybe he didn't.  Nevertheless, he took that first step and now you're headed "out" - somewhere - with him. 

This was a step of pursuing, however aggressive or passive his approach.  Now he needs a little encouragement.  Let him know you're interested, too. 

One way of doing this is to blurt out "Thanks for asking me out to [you fill in the blank]!  I'm glad you're interested in me!  Guess what!?!?  I'm interested in you too!"

Sure, you can do it that way.  But you can also expect him to go running, especially if he opted for the passive approach.  But... maybe I'm wrong and maybe I don't know.  I've actually never tried this approach.  Maybe it would work...

Another way of doing this is to simply act interested.  But I'll get back to that one in part 2.

Guys - Don't assume that just because you did your job that now it’s her turn to do hers.  Some girls are shyer than others.  And even the ones that aren't shy can still be charmed by your stunning good looks and suddenly find themselves tongue-tied.  As I already mentioned, it has happened to me.  It's happened to me even after multiple dates with a guy I thought was amazing. 

Just because you asked her out doesn't mean your job is done.  Your next job is to do what you can to see to it that she has a nice time.   You can do this by letting her know you're interested in getting to know her - who she is beneath the surface.

Ultimately, my advice to both guys and girls is the same: be prepared for communication...