Many single women I know are currently pursuing degrees and/or careers. Like them, I am dreaming and answering the question "what do I want to do with my life" in terms of career choices. In my mind's eye, I see myself racking up debt as I pursue post-graduate degrees and a career teaching at the collegiate level. Thankfully, I am not yet at the point of racking up debt.
And as I look at the decisions I am making and the decisions many women around me are making, I find myself beginning to fear that all our dreams will come true.
Yes, I am currently on a path to become a professor. And I often find myself excited at the prospects ahead of me on this path. But, no matter how excited I become, deep down, I'm afraid.
I'm afraid because this is not my life's dream. My life's dream is not to become a professor at a University. My life's dream is to become a teacher to two or three or four kids as they work through Elementary school. My life's dream is not to be respected at a University. My life's dream is to be loved. I want to be loved by a man and by these two or three or four children. Because, in my life's dream, these two or three or four children are my children and that man is their father and my husband.
My life's dream is to be a wife and a mother.
And that's why I'm afraid. I'm afraid that, as I pursue the education which is necessary for my "plan B" that men will think that my plan B is "Plan A." I'm afraid that they will want to respect my plans to the point that they do not pursue me. I'm afraid for myself, but I'm also afraid for all the other single women who are walking in my shoes with me.
I am not a feminist. I have dreams which involve a career, but mostly because I've discovered that not having a plan B is an enormous risk. And as I begin to catch glimpse of 30 around the corner, I am afraid. I don't want to wake up at 30 and realize that I haven't obtained my life's dream and I am a decade away from any other ambitions. So I'm starting on those "other ambitions." I just pray that I don't swallow my life's dream in the process.
God knows your desires. And He knows what your future holds. Don't forget, that the man God has for you, will first seek Him first and will be encouraged to pursue you. Don't loose heart. God is faithful. And who knows, maybe you will meet your guy as a result of being a professor. :D Until then just trust that God is preparing you both for one another.
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