What I should be

I should be crushed; I’m optimistic.  I should feel discouragement and a lack of hope, but instead I find myself eager to see what tomorrow brings.  Disappointment eludes me.  Am I avoiding something inevitable?  Emotions unavoidable?  What I do not feel, I cannot force myself to sense.  What is not within, I cannot place into existence.

A fear begins to creep – am I numb?  Have I grown unfeeling and insensitive?  No, this cannot be.  For I feel.  I feel love; a desire to nurture and to care.  I feel compassion and sympathy (though not pity).  My heart feels.  It feels for another more than it feels for itself.  And it trusts.  It hopes.  It believes.  God has Another in His hands.  I trust.  I hope.  I believe.  I am not outside the protection of God's hands.  I should be crushed; I’m optimistic.